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July 2004

Perfectly Saved

Summary: An argument about perfection leads to the realization that no one is perfect enough to earn their way into heaven, but because God sent Jesus to redeem us, it is by God’s action that we receive eternal life.

Cast: Kit Fox, a red fox puppet with a long tail; Gloria, a silly goose; Snelly, a large snail.

Kit: (Appears as music ends; keeps singing song and dancing around.) Man those tunes really rock. This was a great idea having a courtyard concert. I love music. I could listen to music all day. I love to hear guitars and drums and singing voices belting out great tunes…

Gloria: (Singing off stage…) Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! I’ve got a beautiful feeling, everything’s going my way!

Kit: What in the world is that awful sound? Make it stop!

Gloria: (Continues singing as she appears.) Hallelu-hallelu-hallelu-halleluia; Praise ye the Lord… etc.

Kit: Gloria! Hey Gloria! (Yells.) Gloria N. Eggshells!!!

Gloria: Gloria N. Eggshells at your service. That’s my name don’t wear it out. I’ve got two ears so you don’t have to shout!

Kit: What are you doing?

Gloria: I’m singing; what do think? I love to sing!

Kit: Well, you may love to sing, but the rest of us don’t like to listen.

Gloria: What’s wrong with my singing? I use my voice to praise the Lord.
I sing when I’m happy; I sing when I’m glad.

Kit: But I’m sorry to say, you sing really bad!

Gloria: I know my voice isn’t perfect, but that’s what practice is for… I’m getting closer and closer to perfection all the time.

Kit: I just wish you would get close to perfection a long, long ways away from here.

Gloria: Well, even if you don’t like my singing, I know that God does. The Lord appreciates my singing very much!

Kit: The Lord must have a tin ear!

Gloria: God listens to me with his heart. He knows how I feel and how much I enjoy praising the Lord.

Kit: Does he know how much we enjoy peace and quiet?

Gloria: Kit, listen. When I sing to God, I’m not just practicing my singing, I practicing my friendship with God. And the more I practice, the closer I get to my Lord.

Kit: And the more you practice, the closer I get to running away!

Gloria: I know I’m not perfect, but nobody is perfect.

Kit: Ahem. What about me? Have you ever seen a more handsome fox. Look at this silky fur. Feast your eyes on this perfect nose. And have you ever seen such a gorgeous tail?

Gloria: You’re not perfect either. Seems to me I saw you trying to do something yesterday… over by that tree. You tried over and over again and you never once succeeded.

Kit: You were spying on me!

Gloria: I was not spying! I just happened to see you. It was very funny. You were running around in circles, your tongue was hanging out, your fur was sticking up all over…

Kit: (Tries to hush Gloria up; very embarrassed in front of the audience.) Quiet! They don’t want to hear about it.

Gloria: I’m sure they would love to hear about it. (To audience:) Don’t you want to hear what Kit Fox was trying to do?
(Audience responds.)
He was trying to catch his tail! He tried and he tried, but he never could do it! Oh, I almost died laughing.

Kit: I can too catch my tail. You just weren’t around to see me do it. I caught my tail and now it’s very easy for me to do!

Gloria: Oh, is that so?

Kit: Yes that’s so.

Gloria: Oh, is that right?

Kit: Yes, that’s right.

Gloria: OK then, prove it.

Kit: OK I’ll… what? You want me to prove it? You want me to catch my tail right here in front of everybody? I would love to. It’s as easy as pie… (stalling…)It’s just that I… I’ve got a… pie. Yes! Pie! I’ve got a pie in the oven and… and it’ll burn up if I don’t go take it out right now. Yeah! Gotta go.
(Kit tries to exit; Gloria can grab Kit by the tail or tackle him.)

Gloria: Oh no you don’t. Pie my eye! You’re going to show everyone how you can catch your own tail.

Kit: All right then, I will. You just watch!

(Kit starts trying to catch his own tail which always flips out of reach before he can grab it.)

Kit: It’s very simple. I just reach around…… and …… grab it! (Misses.)

I just have to be in the right position to start. Then it’s easy. I just have to turn and grab it.

(Kit becomes more and more frantic trying to grab his tail, and tumbling into Gloria in the process. Big commotion.)

Kit: (With clenched teeth!) I’ve got it! I caught my tail!

Gloria: AAAAAUGH! Let go! You’re biting my tail feathers!

Snelly: (Enters and looks at the situation with mouth wide open.)
Kit! Gloria! What is going on here? Are you two fighting again?

Gloria: He bit me! He bit me! Bite your own tail, buster!

Kit: You got in my way! I woulda had it that time.

Snelly: What is going on here? Will somebody please tell me what just happened?

Gloria: Hello, Snelly. I’ll tell you what happened. ‘Mr. Perfect’ here was trying to catch his tail and was just proving how far from perfect he really is.

Kit: And ‘Gloria Estefan’ here was trying to break our ear drums with her perfectly awful singing voice!

Snelly: You two are fighting with eachother trying to prove how perfect you are?

(Kit and Gloria look at eachother and stammer.)

Kit: Well, she… I was just trying…

Gloria: My point that I was making was just that…

Snelly: You’re both being perfectly ridiculous!

Gloria: Snelly’s right. Kit, I’m sorry I teased you about chasing your tail.

Kit: And I’m sorry I told you that your singing was awful.

Snelly: Nobody’s perfect.

Kit: Yeah, that’s what Gloria told me and then I started bragging and I guess I got a little carried away. Sorry about your tail feathers, Gloria.

Gloria: It’s all right Kit. Everyone makes mistakes. But you know God loves us even though we are far from perfect. You know that Jesus died for all of us while we were still sinners. He didn’t wait until we were good enough or perfect enough for him to send His only Son to earth to save us.

Snelly: That’s right! It’s not what we do that gets us to heaven. It’s what God did for us!

Gloria: Right Snelly! If we had to try to work our way into heaven by doing good deeds or being perfect people, there’s not one of us who would make it.

Kit: Hey! Trying to work your way into heaven is sort of like chasing your own tail. You never get anywhere. You only make progress when you take your eyes off of yourself and look to Jesus.

Gloria: That’s a good point, Kit.

Snelly: It’s a good thing we don’t have to make our way to heaven under our own steam. I usually go so slow, I’d never make it.

Kit: You are pretty slow, Snelly. But that’s OK. You may not be good at running races, but you’re good at other things.

Gloria: Yeah, like being a peacemaker and keeping Kit and me from fighting. But you really are slow, Snelly.

Kit: Extremely slow.

Gloria: Slow as molasses in the wintertime.

Kit: Slow as moss growing on a rock.

Gloria: Slow as a kid eating frozen spinach.

Snelly: Now wait just a minute. I’m not that slow. I can go pretty fast if I want to. Tell you what fellows. I’ll race you to the church and back. I betcha I’ll win.

Gloria and Kit: You’re not gonna win. A snail winning a race? That’s ridiculous! (Etc.…)

Snelly: Just hold on guys, while I put on my new roller skates.

Gloria and Kit: Roller skates?!!!

Gloria: Snelly, are you sure you know how to use roller skates.

Kit: Oh no. Someone’s gonna get hurt.

Gloria: Yeah! And it’s going to be us! Look out!

(Snelly comes zooming across the stage, knocking over Kit and Gloria. And soon as they recover, she comes zooming back in the other direction and knocks them over again.)

Kit: Wow! That is one crazy snail!

Gloria: You know, this reminds me of a song. Yep, I definitely feel a song coming on!

Kit: Oh, no! Where did I put my earplugs?

Gloria: Come on, Kit! Sing with me!
(Kit repeats each line after Gloria and they sing song together. Band can accompany.)
“Oh you can’t get to heaven…”

Kit: “Oh you can’t get to heaven.”

Gloria: “On Snelly’s skates…”

Kit: “On Snelly’s skates…”

Gloria: “Oh, you can’t get to heaven”

Kit: “Oh, you can’t get to heaven”

Both: “On Snelly’s skates
Oh you can’t get to heaven on Snelly’s skates
You’ll roll right by those pearly gates
All my sins are washed away I’ve been redeemed.”

Gloria: Everybody sing!

“I’ve been redeemed
By the blood of the Lamb
I’ve been redeemed
By the blood of the Lamb
I’ve been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb,
Filled with the Holy Ghost I am.
All my sins are washed away I’ve been redeemed.”

Gloria: You all sing very well. I’m impressed.
(Give welcome, etc.)
Glad to see so many here this afternoon.

(Here you may insert introductions and announcements pertaining to your event or worship service. See examples below:)

Kit: You know, Gloria, I’ve met some of these folks before! Raise your hand if you’ve seen me before.
(Blow bubbles from backstage.)
Some of you came to Vacation Bubble School here!

Gloria: Oh you mean Vacation Bible School! Did you have fun?

Kit: Oh yeah! We had a great time playing games, making cool crafts and learning about God.

Gloria: Hey, Kit! Did you know that Sunday School is starting soon?

Kit: That’s great! When do I sign up?

Gloria: You can sign up today, if you like. I hope to see all of you here on September 12th at 10:00 for Rally Sunday. Bye.

Kit: Look out! Here comes Snelly!

Gloria: AAAUGH!

(Snelly comes zooming through, knocking over Gloria and Kit.)

Gloria: That is one fast snail!!

(By Ruth Gilmore; copyright 2001.)

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